So today I’m refreshed after a couple hours of sleep and a late night writing session that left me totally and completely drained. It may be that I still have my own demons I’m still dealing with that caused me to write such an emotional scene for me. In the end of the scene my MC finally got the satisfaction of putting the woman who abused her all her life in her place so to speak. I will never really have that satisfaction. The woman who is my personal demon will never go away.
I started writing Summer Rain last April, at a time when things in my life were normal, (if that ever really is true). Then the unthinkable happened and I lost someone very close to me. Someone who wasn’t here that long, but touched my heart in so many ways. After her passing, my emotions spilled onto the pages and brought Summer Rain to life. Now, as I try to find someone who will publish it for me, I felt that there was more to the story that needed to be told. Hence the Allen family trilogy.
As I work on the new book, Autumn Wind, I find that I’m still dealing with a lot of these raw emotions and again, they are pouring onto the pages. A lot of what was said last night in the scene is a lot of what I want to say to this person that has harmed my soul so to speak. But as what happened last night in my scene, happeneds in real life, that person will never see that they have done wrong. I find that in life that is so true in so many different things. So the real question is forgiveness? In the scene, Chloe in a way forgave her father for the years of abuse he and his so called wife caused her. I wonder if I will ever find that forgiveness for this person that has caused me so much heartache that I can’t forgive her for what has been done, and the life that was taken so very young.
So when finally got ready to close up last night I did what a lot of my writer friends do and check Twitter and Facebook one last time, to see what I missed. I noticed a post in my Twitter timeline. I will get so much teasing from my friends as I put this down, but in a way, it goes with my “Things happen for a reason” thinking. The post was from all people Kevin Jonas, yes of the Jonas Brothers. It was simple. “I Won’t Give up by Jason Mraz=greatly crafted song.” So I go to ITunes and listen to the song and then download it. I highly think if you are dealing with things you should get this song. I have listened to it like 100 times already and it has so many meanings to me. It kinda could be a theme song to Autumn Wind in a few ways, lol.
So many times since April I have wanted to give up. To crawl into a hole away from my own children, my husband, my friends and the story I had just started to write and close myself off from it all. And something in the song made me think of that time again. “We have a lot to learn, and God knows we are worth it.” And “I’m still trying to find out who I am. But I won’t give up.” At the time, I couldn’t give up; too many people depended on me. At times through this process of trying to publish these books, I won’t give up, because the story needs to be told. And lastly, I won’t give up trying to deal with these demons and trying to find forgiveness. So yes, Jason Mraz, greatly crafted song! And thanks Kevin Jonas for posting that! I have to laugh because like either one of they would read my silly blog.
Peace, Love and Hope~JC