Six Sentence Sunday "Summer Rain"

Nick stroked her hair and held her gently in his arms. “Chloe, it’s over now. You know what the real truth is. Tell me.”

“I don’t know anymore,” she cried softly.

It was starting to get dark but he didn’t care, and if Shelly had a problem with it, he would take her away with him tonight. He had to fix what they had done to her. He decided to start with her mother. “Your mother was a beautiful person who loved you dearly. She was not a whore and she didn’t want to leave you. You know that. You read her letter to you. Chloe, you are just like her. You have her heart, her beauty, and her smile.”

“I miss her so much,” She cried softly.

Nick closed his eyes, feeling her pain in away. “I know you do.

For Team Kilah

Kilah

It’s no secret that the last year and a half of my life has been an emotional roller coaster of sorts.  I have been fighting a losing battle to keep my niece from the same fate that her baby sister met.  I reflect on those last few weeks of Chloe’s life almost daily and in some ways still feel like I failed her.  Although the person who was responsible for her death has finally admitted neglect, they only did so that criminal charges would not be filed against them if an extensive investigation was started.  Chloe’s medical records were never looked at, if fact, while she was alive and I begged for them to be looked at, my pleas fell on deaf ears, and a few weeks later, she was gone.

Chloe

So why am I posting about this?  I guess because I will always feel like I failed Chloe and I will forever do what I can to make that right.  I know in my heart I did everything I could, but still, all I have left of that sweet little girl is her picture and her favorite doll I keep in the bottom drawer of my nightstand that still smells like her and I can’t bare to hold because every time I do the tears start again and I can’t make them stop.  

Last night a very dear friend of mine posted something that opened all those flood gates again and I saw my chance to help a little girl named Kilah. I really know nothing about her except what I have read, I will never meet her because she live somewhere else, but in many ways reminds me so much of little Chloe.  I couldn’t help Chloe or now her older sister who will be returned to the person who caused Chloe’s death. But maybe this will be the start of something big.  There is a petition to make the laws harder on those who hurt or kill a child and make them register like pedophiles.  One that right now is starting in NC and hopefully will go national. I’m asking that anyone who reads this, go to the blog page for Kilah and read her story.  Then click on the link for Change.org and sign this petition. Do it for the ones like Chloe who lost their voice and the ones like Kilah who still have one. 

http://teamkilah.wordpress.com/

Peace, Love, & Hope~JC

Six Sentence Sunday "Summer Rain"

“Come back to me,” he whispered.

She smiled at that, and turned around and kissed him hungrily. He touched her face as they kissed and she purred as he pulled her closer.

     “Good morning, Beautiful,” he said in between their kisses.

“Good morning, Lover,” She giggled. “I didn’t want to wake you so I came out here,” she explained as he held her.

“Okay, so I’m awake. Come back to bed.”

     “We have to get moving. Breakfast will be here soon and then we have to go to our other rooms,
she reminded him.
“Yeah, I kind of forgot about the other rooms. I like this one. It has sentimental meaning now,” he
teased. She giggled at that and hugged him.

Six Sentence Sunday "Summer Rain"

“Just follow me and let me do most of the talking.” She pushed the button that opened the door to the children’s ward. She noticed the grin on his face as he stared at her. “Okay, what?”

“You look like the Blue Fairy.” A very sexy Blue Fairy, one that he wouldn’t mind coming to visit him at night. He had to stop himself from thinking of her that way. She was just a friend.

“And you look like Pinocchio.  That’s the point. I volunteer here once a week and this is how I dress. The kids love it. Now, if you behave yourself, maybe I will turn you into a real boy.” She was tired of his jokes and just wanted to visit the kids and then Millie. She hoped that what she had just said put him in his place.

An open letter to Jade's Birth Mother....

I sat with my baby girl as she started to drift back to sleep after one of her nightmares and studied the fetchers of her face.  The small button nose, the beautiful almond shaped eyes, the small scar she has on her cheek.  My mind drifted like it often does to someone a million miles away.  Someone I think of every time Jade looks at me and says “I love you soo much mommy.”  It was funny that today we were at a bbq and one of the children, one who has known us for a while asked where Gabbie had gone. My husband had stopped by and taken her home for a bath and bed after a long day and that left me, Amber and Jade to stay and enjoy ourselves.  Jade was busy having fun swimming as I watched her and one of the little girls asked where Jade’s mom was.  I said I was her mom.  But she then asked, no her other mom.  I sat and had to think for a second how to answer this question.  For Jade she never asks about her, and we have our own story and time we talk about her, but I have never had to answer a child’s question yet as to where her mom was.  I just explained that she couldn’t take care of her and asked for parents who could.  The real story is too sad.  I explained that China asked us to be her parents and we were more than happy to give her the love and home she needed.   Now at 4 in the morning, as I sat there staring at her, I wished for a way to tell her about the child she will never have the chance to know.  And then thought of this…

Dear Birth Mother,

You are one of the bravest women I will never have the chance to know.  The only clue I have to your existence is the beautiful little girl who call me mommy.  5 years ago, you gave birth to a baby girl.  One you must have loved because you kept her with you for a month and left her to be found with money to care for her.  I often wonder if you waited and watched that someone found her quickly all the while in agony listening to her cries and wanting to run to hold her close one last time.  I’m sure from time to time you think of her and wonder how she is.  I know this letter will never find you although from one mother to another I wish there was a way it could.  I want to ease your fears and tell you about this amazing child you gave birth to.  The one who 4 years ago came into my life and changed it forever.

I will never know the name you gave her or if the day we celebrate her birthday is in fact that day.  I will never know what it felt like to feel her move the first time or nurse her.  Those are the few memories you will have to cherish of her.  I often wonder if you checked the paper for her finding ad to see if she was okay or where she was, even know you could not speak up in fear you would be punished. This letter is my way of telling you about her more, so that you know how she is and that she is loved.

The orphanage named her Rulan, and cared for her for over a year while they looked for parents for her. In that time she grew and found her love of music.  When we adopted her she was 16 months old, scared to be with strange looking people who spoke funny and didn’t know what she liked. We named her Jade Mei Rulan. Mei Mei for short. The one thing that connected us was music.  That first night on the TV was music and she would move her head from side to side and shack her hands gently to the rhythm.  It took her 3 days but finally she relaxed and accepted me as her mother.

She is 5 now and so full of life.  Her smile brings me out of my bad days.  She loves to sing and dance.  She is so smart.  She went to her first Broadway play and sung all the songs from the show she knew.   She can hear a song and only after the third time can sing it word for word.  She loves to snuggle and hug.  She is a flirt.  We cannot go anywhere without her finding a little boy to sit and play with.  She has an older sister, a gigi as you would say. They are the best of friends.  She had such a big heart.  If someone is sad she is the first one to hug them.  Have I mentioned how smart she is?  She can add and subtract.  She loves to read and always wants to know how to spell something or what does that mean.  She will be starting school this fall.  She is scared but excited to go to learn and make new friends.

We talk about you often.  We pray for you at night.  And tonight as I tried to help her to go back to sleep, I asked her if she saw that her and I looked different.  She said yes but not really.  I don’t see that we do.  I forget sometimes that I didn’t have the privilege to give birth to her.  She was born from my heart as we say in her story. 

I wanted you to know, mother to mother, how I feel about you.  There are no words I will ever be able to think of to say how grateful I am to you.  You have given me the most beautiful gift anyone ever could have.  I am so honored to be her mother and to give her the love that you wanted to.  To hear her call me mommy and to see the life in her eyes as she swings on a swing letting her hair fly around her and hearing her laugh is priceless.  I truly wish there was a way to share that with you.  I see you in her.  Though we will never meet, I see your face in hers and know that she was loved once by you and still is although she is so far away.  And one day I hope for you to meet her.  So that both her and I can tell you thank you.

For now, I promise you that she will continue to be loved and cared for.  That she will go to school and become whatever she wants to be, although I think she may be a singer or on Broadway someday.  I will always love her as my own, and protect her as you would have.  She will grow to be a strong independent loving woman, who is so grateful to us both for the life we have given her.  Yours by her birth and mine by my love and guidance.  She will know she has truly had the best of both worlds and the love of two women who never met but both loved her as our daughter.  

Peace, Love, & Hope~JC

Six Sentence Sunday "Autumn Wind"

     Luis grabbed the camera from Kevin and ordered that the digitals be pulled up on the screen.  He was prepared to put this young punk in his place. But what he saw was a different story all together.  Instead of the normal dry expressions and look, there was life.  The girl’s cheeks were rosy and their expressions were playful.  He sneered and looked at Kevin. Straighten his back and shaking what little hair he had left. “Tomorrow, 1 pm to review your shots and conclude the interview.” He snapped, and then clicking his heels like something out of the Wizard of Oz, he walked out of the room in a huff.

Zen

Today is a fresh new start.  In a way I'm closing the chapter of one part of my life and moving on to another.  There are other chapters that need to be closed but I have to start small.  In all honestly I didn't want to close this chapter, but sometimes things get to the point that you have to.  Things have been said and feelings hurt but this is what it finally came down to. 

Now I need to get myself to focus on other things I need to change.  I was told I have changed in the past year.  I know I have, you can't go through what I have and not.  But now is the time to shift the focus and put it on myself so I can be a better person.  I can't let what people say and do have such an effect on me anymore.  It just throws me off balance.  I need to find myself again and work from there. 

It's a little scary, I wont lie.  But I am looking forward in the changes that will come.  I will lose friends, but the real ones will remain.  True friends stand by you no matter what.  I'm seeing that now. What is important is that I'm a stronger person for my children and I show them not to let anything or anyone hold them down.  That you should find happiness and not settle for what you think is what everyone wants.  To trust your gut and if something doesn't feel right, walk away before it is too late. But most important, never regret what you have gone through or the choices you made.  Those choices are lessons that you grow from.

 You can't live in the "What If?".  I have been trying to do that and can't anymore.  You are only left wondering if the chance you had with someone is the only one you get.  For me, I'm realizing that now.  As much as I wonder if there ever will be another chance, I have to wake up and see the light.  The chance I though may be there is gone.  Again, time to move on.  Time to find peace in my life again.

Peace, Love, &Hope~JC